My Introduction to Ayahuasca

In October of 2011, I found myself traveling by boat up the Ucayali river of Pucallpa, Peru where I was to participate in my first ayahuasca ceremonies. Looking around at the other guests, I wondered how I ended up here with this noticeably interesting group of individuals. One of the guests, in particular, stood out as he walked with a cane, with many scars, and a missing a toe. The remaining guests also appeared to have an intriguing story behind what had brought each of them there. I remember thinking that on the surface, it may have seemed that I did not belong here. But truthfully, I knew what had brought me here was years of internally suffering that I had been seeking to address.

When I first heard of ayahuasca, I was introduced to it as a medicine that was used for the purpose of healing and self-growth. My interest in it led me into spending several months learning as much as I could about it and soon after, it deeply resonated with me. Through learning about other people's experiences, it appeared that it was a unique opportunity to explore the root cause of symptoms and personal issues. However, it also became apparent that these experiences were often quite challenging and needed to be approached with reverence. While my intentions primarily were to finding resolution to addressing my own personal matters, there was also a curiosity about the source of where these experiences come from. Whether ayahuasca experiences are inherent within self and facilitated by a change in mental state or the possibility that they come from a change of mental awareness where we can perceive exogenous factors, it was compelling to consider the implications of either possibility. After several months of consideration and self reflection, I made the decision to go to Peru, where I unknowingly at the time, would change the direction of my life.

My first visit to Peru comprised of four ayahuasca ceremonies in which I anticipated with trepidation. The emotions of going into my first ceremony had a uniqueness of its own as I had spent months preparing myself to experience something that in reality, cannot be adequately described. That being said, the first and forth ceremony required my patience as I had not perceived the effects of drinking the medicine. Instead, I had spent the evening waiting on my mat for the effects to come while listening to the icaros being sung and the vibrant sounds of the rainforest in the background.

The night of the second ceremony began similarly to the first. I had drank from my cup for some time and had not felt any effect. I was offered a second cup as the shaman sat in front of me singing an icaros but before he was finished, the medicine was purged back out into my bucket. I laid back onto my mat, with some disappointment as I had gone all this way here to have yet feel the effects of ayahuasca. And it was this moment that it began. It was the immediate awareness of two things simultaneously happening. A sudden and full deep breath was taken followed by a series of rhythmic breathing patterns which unexplainably felt like it was being controlled externally with a sense of purpose. Intuitively, I had understood that it was addressing a shortness of breath issue that I had for many years. At the exact same time, there was a strong and obvious awareness of some presence. While astonished, I also felt trust in what was happening and began an interaction that I now look back to be very meaningful. To best attempt to describe the experience, it is like the certainty of knowing when someone is physically there with you even if your eyes are closed. However, in this case, visually there was no one in front of me, but there was a distinct feeling of their being a presence. I spent the next few hours in nonverbal dialogue and had never felt so understood as I expressed many of my reasons for seeking ayahuasca. Reflecting back on the experience from my second ceremony, I feel that a strong trust was developed for this medicine that night

The third ceremony has been one of my most challenging and profound experiences with ayahuasca and has led to the life path that I am on today. That night, the medicine was felt almost immediately upon drinking, which started with visuals that were indescribably peculiar and with each moment leading me into a deeper state. Sitting cross-legged, with my forehead touching the floor for quite some time, I eventually found myself laying on my back. At a certain point into the ceremony, I was in complete belief and acceptance that I had died. I was no longer aware of where I was, my physical body, nor even the concept of self as understood in conscious reality. Instead, I again became aware that there was the presence of some other conscious and intelligent entities. Somehow, I remained stoic about the whole situation and began a dialogue in which questions were asked about reality, purpose, and life. While I do not have the words to describe the whole experience with complete integrity, it had fundamentally changed my perspective on life ever since.

The next morning, I watched the sunrise with the memory of thinking that I had died the night before. It felt overwhelming to process what had happened and it left me with more questions than answers. While life did not tangibly change upon returning from this trip, I was certain that ayahuasca was a path to find what I had been searching for in life. However, I never would have imagined that after over seven years learning and growing from this medicine, that I would be where I am today as I sit here writing from a farm in India, after leaving my life in Toronto behind, to be on a path of studying herbal medicine and travel.

Current home, during the writing of this post, on a farm in Dharamshala, Himachal Pradesh, India